You Decide – Thailand, India or France?

Reader, I invite your participation in this debate.

So I’m holed up in a hotel room nursing a cold I got from sleeping outdoors in a tent during a thunderstorm. Low point on the trip, but a good time to reflect.

I meet many single-country enthusiasts out here on the road.  Some people “love” Thailand.  India “changed” other people’s “lives”.  And others still “adore” France.  But which country really does this whole life thing better?  I put this question to you, dear read, while I present you with only with the facts (and some pictures I’ve been meaning to post):

Guys & Gals

	Thailand	India	France
men	avoid eye contact with foreign women	stare creepily at foreign women	flirt outrageously with foreign women on any occasion
men’s looks	strangely effeminate in highwater pants	strangely effeminate in dark polyester pants	strangely effeminate in speedos
size of women	short and tiny through genetics	short and tiny through poverty, until childbirth	short and tiny before and after childbirth, due to grim determination
dress of women	don’t show cleavage, okay to show ankles	bling out, but show neither cleavage or ankles	wear a lot of black, occasionally take off your top so we can see your boobs

Family Life

	Thailand	India	France
women’s roles	you can get an education but you must become a nurse	you can get an education but don’t be late with dinner	you can get an education but don’t get fat
marriage	young and fast	young and arranged	live together for ten years and have a child then maybe get married
children	in uniform marching to school	in work gangs on the side of the road breaking rocks	in public parks after dark, loitering and tagging buildings

Nationalism

	Thailand	India	France
history	long and storied	reaaaaly long and storied	fuck the brits and fuck the germans
attitude toward foreigners	you’ll never be one of us, but we will be polite to you as you spend your money	so, what part of India did you say you were from, again?	it’s really annoying to us that you came here at all
civil society	unifying	non-existent	always on the edge of rebellion
the state	creepy, nearly fascist devotion to king and progress	near chaos	crushing bureaucracy, closed for 2 hours at lunch

Food

	Thailand	India	France
breakfast	rice porridge	dosa	cigarettes and coffee
lunch	curry noodles	chapati	kebab
dinner	one pot stew and rice	7 different veggie carbs  with tons of rice (in the south) or bread (in the north)	at least three courses of very small portioned, fatty animal proteins on a bed of lettuce
condiments	ground peanuts and hot sauce	chutney and hot sauce	mustard and hot sauce
butter	on nothing	all over everything, including your body	all over your bread and meat

Daily Life

	Thailand	India	France
water	drink from the tap in some select cities	drink from the tap at your fucking peril	you can drink from the tap all the time, but we prefer to buy fancy water for $5 a bottle
weather	africa hot	africa hot	sometimes surprisingly africa hot
service	bowing	scraping	all but spitting in your food
garbage	if no one is looking, throw it on the street	throw it on the street, who cares who’s looking?	throw it on the street, but we’ll have overpaid civil servants come pick it up in the morning
bathrooms	squat or sometimes sit	squat with your eyes closed, never ever sit	sit, but use this bowl brush to clean up after yourself, what do you think this is, a hotel? (but it is a hotel . . .)

Religion

	Thailand	India	France
faith	quietly devout	loudly devout and sometimes violently sectarian	nominally observant
churches	over the top	over the top	over the top

Fun and Games

	Thailand	India	France
drinking	no one does it	men do it	men, women and children do it, a bottle of wine a day
sex	prim and proper, with pockets of extreme freakiness	prim and proper, with pockets of naughty texting	sex toys for sale in the supermarket, lingerie shops in the central square
wifi	everywhere	there would be wifi, except the power goes in and out all the time	we’re too well bred to give you unlimited wifi access
giving directions	“i’ll show you on the map” (in perfect english)	“go straight”	“go straight to hell”
pop music	horrible techno	horrible techno	horrible techno